


"Amidst of Hell, Lingers Heaven"

by TheUsagi1995



Category: Chernobyl (TV 2019)
Genre: Caring Boris Shcherbina, Dreams and Nightmares, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotions, Feelings, First Kiss, Hurt/Comfort, Inspired by the HBO series and not real people, Kissing, M/M, Mentions of Blood, My First Work in This Fandom, No disrespect to the actual people, One Shot, PPlease if this is not your cup of tea do not read it, Smoking, Valoris, Vodka, happy-ish ending, i want them to be happy, long read, possible ooc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-25
Updated: 2019-06-25
Packaged: 2020-05-19 11:13:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19355896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheUsagi1995/pseuds/TheUsagi1995
Summary: Taking Place during Episode 3:Valery is tormented in his sleep and when Boris nearly breaks down the door to get to him, things escalate quickly. After all, time is not on their side.“I’ve got you, Valera…” The scientist stirred, burrowing into that broad chest, allowing himself to be held for the very first time in a very long time. Valery moved his hands upwards blindly, grabbing the lapels of Boris’ coat with his good hand. “If they find out about this… I will drag you to your death.” Strong hands cupped Valery’s face with a tenderness that caused the scientist to shiver.“They have ears and eyes everywhere, Boris!” Valery retorted deadly. “They may hear us but they do not really listen. They look but they do not really see us. At any of us.” Boris said in a low tone. Once again, Valery thought he meant to convince mostly himself.





	"Amidst of Hell, Lingers Heaven"

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Hotaru_Tomoe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hotaru_Tomoe/gifts), [j_gabrielle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/j_gabrielle/gifts).



> This is a story I was not sure I should post.  
> But eventually I did because it was in my head all the time.  
> 1) I drew inspiration from the HBO TV Series only. I mean no disrespect toward the people who gave their lives to help stop this chatastropie. Please do not view this story as such. If you take issue with this pairing, please turn back now as this is a rather romantic one shot. Thank you.  
> 2) English is not my mother tongue, so please forgive any mistakes. This is not Beta'd by anyone so all mistakes are mine.  
> 3) This may be slightly OOC, but I wanted to get this out of my chest.  
> 4) It was meant to have three chapters but I posted only the fiirst one turning it into an one shot. If you like it, then I will gladly post the other two chapters either in this story or as individual stories.  
> 5) This is gifted to "j_gabrielle" and "Hotaru_Tomoe" Their stories make me so happy and they got me hooked to this pairing. Thank you both!

**_"Amidst of Hell, Lingers Heaven"_ **

_When does one dream of Heaven? Perhaps when he has seen Hell._  
_And when does one dream of Hell? Oh, but when he has found his Heaven._

* * *

The first time Heaven and Hell had both blended together inviting Valery’s dreams was when his already feeble body was hunched over a small wooden desk on which lay countless sheets describing how the entire continent was drawing near extinction under the oncoming, ominous threat of a thermal explosion. The last twenty four hours had been a blur as the ticking sound of the clock which was stealing away second after second would more often than not mingle with the creaking sound of the dosimeter which was stealing away people’s lives. Flying from Prypiat to Moscow and then back in less than a day had been exhausting, but the physical fatigue could by no means be compared to the emotional wreckage Valery Legasov had been reduced to, while he and Shcherbina were left waiting for the three divers to emerge.

* * *

 

Despite being dressed in his usual clothing, Valery could feel the bones of his sternum piercing his lungs as though he was wearing the heaviest led armor the state could provide. He could hardly breathe under the weight of his actions. An invisible hand held his heart with an iron grip; Invisible, yes; Invisible like the lethal radiation they had been battling. Little did its hold loosened when the three men got back out, stating that they had completed their mission. Little did the collective applause said men had been lavished with help Valery maintain his composure. Praises and honors were too weak a shield to save these men from radiation and by the time Valery managed to drag himself to his room at Pollysina Hotel the men’s faces were already dancing before his eyes. But they soon dissolved to smoke as the ringing of the phone traveled with the air and was followed by Gorbachev’s demanding voice at the other end of the line. 

* * *

 

“We are taking a walk, Legasov.” Was what Shcherbina commanded after the stormy conversation over the phone was finished; or to be more precise, after Gorbachev had finished it. And like that, none of the two men had the time to let their eyes fall closed, thus allowing their mind to be at ease long enough so as to spare a thought for the fate of those divers. Not until the first hours of the new day, which found Boris Shcherbina and Valery Legasov mounting the steps towards their rooms.

* * *

 

“Get some sleep comrade Legasov, you’ll need it for what comes next.” Boris warned grimly, darting his eyes across the hall on each corner. Valery followed suit silently, remembering the conversation they had earlier whilst walking through the deserted town. The KGB had every room of the hotel bugged. All he offered was a small nod, hand diving into his pocket in search of his key. “I’ll send someone to wake you up before dawn.” Boris continued, brow frowning when Valery’s shoulders tensed. The popping sound of joints followed as the scientist turned to face him. “Who will come?” The call was unwavering yet Valery’s weary, blurred eyes flew open, betraying the fear his voice had not.

* * *

 

As a way of answering, Shcherbina slowly waved his hand bringing it to his chest, fingertips brushing the shirt he was wearing. Valery remained silent, bewildered as Boris’ cold eyes, which were scrutinizing every inch his face seemed to soften as he mouthed, ‘I will.’ The lack of sleep was a bad advisor, Legasov knew as much. Perhaps he had imagined it. “Whoever has the misfortune to find himself before me when I get out the door in a couple of hours.” The man snarled turning around to leave.

* * *

 

Valery blew out a broken lament as he helplessly fumbled for the key which was hooked on the far corner of his pocket and then with the door handle, unaware of Boris’ lingering gaze on him. The door opened with a creak and Valery stumbled inside, leaning with his back against the frame until it was shut. He managed a few steps, feeling the ground swaying under his feet. All the lights were turned off, leaving the room to be dimly illuminated by the light-bolts which were hanging over the pavement along the length of the street. The pale glow traveled through the glass window falling on to Valery’s ashen face.

* * *

 

The man sighed bitterly as he averted his blurry gaze from his pitiful reflection. Gracelessly, he dropped himself on his chair, unable to let go of the tension which was clenching on to his muscles. His weary eyes spotted a bottle of Vodka lingering on the edge of the desk, next to the half empty pack of cigarettes, but his hold around the shaft proved to be weak causing Valery to abandon the task of pouring himself a drink.

* * *

 

He tilted his head to the side instead, resting it upon his furled hands. His sweaty palms were soon glued to the papers underneath, but little did that matter for they were convenient enough to serve as a pillow. Valery felt his eyes falling closed on their own accord, succumbing to yet another invisible force, that of extreme fatigue which reigned supreme upon them. Eyelashes heavy with guilt and profound sadness shaded wrinkled cheekbones as Valery surrendered himself to the clutches of his own mind, soothed only by the fading echo of his name as it had fallen from those thin lips.  
‘Valery…’

* * *

 

Sleep soon came, albeit it was one Valery both dreaded and also desired in equal measure. Restless and uneasy his dreams were; haunted by images of those three divers submerging into a small lake at the bottom of a pointy hill. They walked into the crystal clear waters, never to emerge again and Valery could only gaze at them from the top of the hill.  
‘No, no, no!’  
Uneven steps took Valery toward the crystal water as his shaky hands stretched themselves forward and thick, trembling fingers came together, forming a fist. ‘They have to come out, they have to!’ Yet they never did. Instead they became one with the liquid which remained eerily still, resembling a plain mirror. In it was reflected an ominous gray sky, filled with ash and dust. In the distance, a thick plume of smoke galloped upwards billowing into the sky, dyeing the Heavens blue as radiation ionized the air.

* * *

 

The thought pierced Valery’s already ravaged mind and had the sour taste of bile welling up in his throat. His knees buckled and the scientist found himself tumbling down the side of the hill, drawn by the relentless force of gravity. He didn’t even try to stretch out his frail hands in an attempt to prevent the fall, as all his mind could think of, was the lake which was waiting for him at the bottom.

* * *

 

The lethal, crystal clear water which would swallow him whole, erasing every aspect of his existence. All recollection of him would evanesce from the minds of those he had loved as time would gallop unhindered upon the fields of memory. Any other time, this realization wouldn’t have been so unsettling. Valery had never believed his name would ever be carved in the minds of many; Not even in the minds of very few. Yet, now, there was one who had uttered his name in a soft whisper whilst mentally engraving it in the depths of his mind, determined to never let it fade.

* * *

 

‘Valery…’  
He wanted to hear it once more, the man realized as he now tried to grab onto something; anything to hinder his fall.  
‘Valery…’ That one word had fallen from those lips, holding a thousand meanings.  
Rather short fingers accustomed to holding fine pens, slim vials and long cigarettes blindly took a hold of dried soil and dying grass, as Valery growled under his breath agonizingly trying to crawl back up away from that lake.  
‘Comrade Legasov!’  
No, no. This wasn’t what he was fighting for, Valery thought as the wind chimed, carrying with it these two words. Valery bit his lip, feeling warm blood trailing down his chin. His body and face were coated in dirt as he kept on crawling upwards like a distorted serpent, wishing for the soil which had, according to religion, partly created him, to save him from the waters which licked the brim of the lake.  
‘Comrade Legasov!’  
Thuds echoed in the distance but the man ignored them, darting his blurry gaze at the top of the hill.  
‘Comrade Legasov!’  
Tossing his right hand forward, the scientist got ready for rivulets of small rocks and soil to tear his flesh, but instead he came in touch with a round, cold, object the shape of which resembled a branch. Soon, however, Valery felt it cracking under the intense pressure. No, no he couldn’t afford to slip back down that hill… No… His grip around that unknown round object tightened as a deafening thud almost pierced his ears, causing him to loosen his hold and shut his eyes. He felt his body sliding back down the hill as shards cut deep into his palm, leaving a crimson trail in their wake.

* * *

 

The gray sky was the last thing Valery saw as his body gravitated downwards, drawn by that lake. If Boris’ ever so slightly softened eyes were outlined behind the white plume of radioactive smoke which was bellowing into the sky, Valery couldn’t tell for sure. But if all around him Hell was spewed, then those eyes were surely a part of a forsaken Heaven. And for Valery so small a Heaven had to be enough.

* * *

 

‘Boris…’ The name slipped past torn lips, but Valery didn’t care. No one was there to save him, no one was there to listen. “Legasov!” The shout was so loud it tore down the veil which was shrouding Valery, devouring the surrounding scenery, bringing the man back to a reality that was equally scary as his nightmares. Cloudy eyes flew open and Valery inhaled sharply as his room took shape once more and the lake faded into nothing. He blinked, dazed, desperately gasping for air. Eventually, his brain began working once more, sending signals to every corner of his body, with the first and foremost being a sharp stab of pain. Valery’s eyes focused on an almighty figure, clothed in black yet clad in a hue of silver and yellow. Said figure was hunched over him grimly, and a strong hand was hooked on Valery’s right shoulder. Firm fingers dug into his flesh, holding him pinned on the chair he had fallen asleep.

* * *

 

Valery jerked violently feeling another stab of pain surging through him. His eyes cleared as weariness gave way to adrenaline and the round shape of the figure sharpened revealing none other than… “Comrade Shcherbina?” Valery managed through gritted teeth, keeping up with the formalities due to the bugs in the room. Boris looked down at him worryingly, noticing how his eyes were unfocused. The scientist exhaled brokenly, noting that the almost ethereal glow which had been surrounding the taller man was a mixture of moonlight and of the yellow light the street lamps were emitting. Both crept in the room from the window, as if they were intruders. Valery tore his gaze from the other man, mouth gaping when he finally saw that the wooden door of his room was wide open, the handle crashed against the wall.

* * *

 

 Before the scientist could utter a word however, Boris spoke once more. “Unclench your right fist, Legasov. Slowly.” It was meant as a command, albeit the words were laced with worry. Valery shot him an incredulous look but allowed his gaze to travel down the length of his right hand. Boris was still holding his shoulder in a vice like grip, anchoring him to the present. Valery’s hand was stretching along the desk where white sheets of papers were stained with red droplets of what could only be blood.

* * *

 

The man inhaled sharply as he finally witnessed what Boris had seen from the beginning. His right hand was clenched around the shaft of the bottle containing the Vodka, which had, in turn, cracked under the pressure, tearing up the flesh. It all made sense now; Valery had thought the round object in his nightmare had been a branch yet it was the bottle.

* * *

 

Valery blew out a broken lament complying to what Boris had commanded, hissing as the muscles of his torn palm screamed. Succumbing to the force of gravity, or perhaps to a force Legasov himself was emitting; Boris sunk to his knees next to the chair the scientist was occupying. Now they were at the same level and Valery’s hunched frame was concealed by a broad back, which prevented anyone from standing by the open door to get a glimpse of what was happening inside.

* * *

 

An almost unnatural warmth surrounded Valery as Boris quite literally towered over him, coming ever so close. Valery wanted to ask questions but held his tongue. Instead, he brought his injured hand before those icy blue eyes, obeying to yet another command Boris could not utter out loud but had demanded nonetheless.

* * *

 

Valery gasped anew, watching his bloody palm, knowing that each atom was seemingly fighting to pull itself away from the rest. A pair of big hands were then moving on their own accord, until both were hovering over the wound. The sight of the torn flesh was in complete opposition to the notion of two souls drawing near. Try as he might however, Valery could stop neither the violent split, nor the gentle union.

* * *

 

Blood trickled down Valery’s palm and his eyes, filled with fear, flew to the window focusing on the smoke which was entering through the cracks. An open wound in a place filled to the brim with radiation. Wide grey orbs met icy blue ones as Boris wrapped one hand around Valery’s wrist. For a mere second the world stilled.

* * *

 

Valery shuddered under Boris’ anchoring touch, the vibration reaching the other man, stirring every fiber of his being. He felt the ground shifting as though his world had been knocked off its axis and was now doomed to rotate around a lone star which was rapidly burning away. Only that star was not the sun, but the mind of a feeble, yet oh, so brave man. Underneath his firm fingertips, Boris could feel the thunderous beats of Valery’s flattering heart, which seemed determined to make its way out of the man’s chest.

* * *

“Boris…” The call was practically inaudible, laced with so much fear that it faded into the night instantly, barely reaching the other man’s ears. It was a chant, a touch of a breath which carried with it a word forbidden, a word uttered only in one’s dream. Boris’ eyes fell closed as though his eyelids couldn’t bare the ghostly echo of his own name, as though the droplets of blood which were tapping on the floor were actual bullets. The very next second, Boris pulled Valery up on his feet, hauling him toward the bathroom, feeling waves of dread escaping the scientist’s trembling frame. He wasn’t certain of the origin of that deep dread. It could derive from the sight of that open wound, or by the echo of that first name as Legasov had dared to utter it.

* * *

 

They stumbled to the bathroom by instinct and Boris paused only a second, using his leg to kick the lower part of the front door which bounced against the wall before shutting with a rattle. Valery struggled to catch a glimpse of the corridor before the door concealed it from his line of sight, dreading the possibility that paying eyes had seen Boris entering the room. His attempt was futile however, as strong hands led him to the bathroom frenziedly. Blood dripped on to the floor and Valery would have slipped if it weren’t for those strong arms which held him upright. “Clean the wound and then come outside to write the report Comrade General Secretary has demanded of you.” Boris almost barked ignoring those grey eyes as they followed him out of the bathroom.

* * *

 

Valery attempted to do as he was told, but Boris glared at him from the threshold, waving for him to stay still and more importantly, silent. “Oh and don’t ever lock the door, because I will not be able to kick it open again if it gets stuck.” If Valery wasn’t already deathly pale, those words would have drained every last drop of color from his face. He stayed still, heart hammering in his chest, ears tracing the frantic pacing coming from the next room. “I am here to keep the order of things and you are here to explain the numbers and solve problems, not to create more.” The soft rustling of clothing and the clicking of glass could be heard if one was close enough, but Boris’ steel voice was too loud for the microphones, covering all other sounds. “Are we clear, professor Legasov?” Boris questioned from the far end of the room.

* * *

 

Valery cleared his throat. “Yes, comrade Shcherbina.” The affirmative answer was automatic. “Good.” Boris rasped once more. “The lock was faulty so I had to help you out. You were lucky we had just climbed the stairs and you were still within range for me to hear you.” Came an explanation which was convenient enough if one was listening to it, but not if one had actually seen what had happened. In other words, it was a lie. There was no way Valery had fallen asleep for more than half an hour, but it had been at least so long since they parted ways. How the hell had Boris heard him?

* * *

“Good. I’ll be waiting for you to clean the wound then.” Boris declared angrily, yet Valery had no time to feel sorry for himself as the door of the bathroom was shut abruptly and Boris Shcherbina was now in that same, small space as Valery, holding a white sheet in one hand  and a bottle of water in the other. The scientist felt the crease on his brow deepening but Boris turned down the lid of the toilet bowl, having Valery sit on it.

* * *

 

“You said they have bugs—” Boris moved his hand from Valery’s shoulder to the center of his chest, keeping him still. “Not in the bathrooms, at least not yet. They haven’t had the time to install so many microphones.” Valery fell silent. “I checked.” Boris assured once more, watching as some of the tension bled out of Valery’s shoulders. Boris brought the injured hand between them once more, taking the lid of the glass  bottle off. “That’s water I brought all the way from Moscow, it’s clean.” The tall man explained briskly as he kneeled next to Legasov once more. The cold liquid somewhat tamed the pain but as Boris placed the water bottle down in favor of a small silver flask which he drew out of an inner pocket, Valery tensed once more.

* * *

 

“That’s Vodka. Drink.” Boris stated as he passed the flask to the man, watching him gulping down a generous amount. Valery’s senses flared as the burning sensation traveled down his throat but he didn’t have the time to regain his composure. The very next second an iron grip cuffed his right wrist and the flask was taken from his good hand as fast as it had been passed on. “What—” A loud hiss followed as burning Vodka came in contact with the open wound. Boris held Valery pinned where he was, holding his injured hand with an iron grip while he poured the drink on the wound with the other. His well trained legs were not as fast as they had once been, but he strategically placed them between Valery’s trembling ones, so that his hipbones were brushing against the scientist’s inner thighs. Now Valery was unable to get on his feet.

* * *

 

“Stop—” A trembling hand grabbed the lapels of Boris’ black coat but the hold was weak, just as Valery’s call. “The cut’s deep, we need to clean it.” Boris warned lowly, eyes softening evidently. Through stained glasses, Valery tried to interpret the authenticity of that gaze. “Were you spying on me?” The question took Boris by surprise. “Should I be?” He replied curtly, raising an eyebrow. Valery only exhaled tiredly. “I just took the time to smoke a cigarette before going to my room.” It was clear the scientist wanted to point out the fact that in half an hour’s time one could smoke at least four cigarettes. Boris examined the cut thoroughly. “You smoked more than a cigarette.” The statement was blunt, as always. Over Boris’ head hang an unuttered yet nevertheless existing continuation of that sentence. ‘You smoked more than one cigarette. Right outside my door.’

* * *

 

Boris paused to look at Valery and to the latter it seemed as though he could trace a spark underneath the icy blue glance. Valery swallowed soundly, averting his gaze. “Better me than someone else.” Boris offered his tone eerily low. Valery tensed as though he had been electrocuted. “They… They have placed guards outside the door?” Boris inhaled before replying. “Well, it’s a good thing those so called guards seemed eager to abandon their post if someone else were to offer to take over.” Valery felt his stomach flipping. “I’m trying to put a stop to all this; to a mess they have made… And they place guards out the door.” So evident was Valery’s sadness that Boris was at a loss for words.

* * *

 

The very next moment Valery swallowed again, regaining his composure. “I hope I did not disturb you.” He offered apologetically, putting an abrupt end to all his inappropriate thoughts. The memory of the abused doorframe which Boris had kicked open however, told him more than any answer ever could. “I’m sorry. I didn’t say anything, I hope they won’t cause you trouble.” Boris opened his mouth to speak but Legasov cut him off. Who in their right mind would do that? Dare to interrupt him? “I assure you that I won’t—” More Vodka was poured down his hand, causing Valery to squirm in pain.

* * *

 

“For God sake’s, you’re wasting it on me!” A thin layer of sweat was coating the scientist’s deeply frowned brow and erratic breaths were escaping his lips. He was shaking, yet Boris didn’t seem to mind. “You did squirm enough to worry me. The chair you fell asleep on was creaking so I called out for you, knocking at the door.” Valery shivered, remembering the phrase which had echoed in his dream. ‘Comrade Legasov…’ Inhaling sharply, Boris continued. “When you didn’t answer and the glass shattered, I had to get in.” The words were strangely uttered, laced with worry and guilt. “You pity me, don’t you?” Valery absently blurted out, trying to catch his breath. Now, it was Boris’ turn to tense, the words he wished to speak still hanging on the tip of his tongue.

* * *

 

“We’re thrown in the middle of a manmade Hell and they demand of you to turn this place into the Heaven it once resembled.” The admission took both men by surprise, and Valery wondered if Boris was addressing those words to him or to himself. “So, despite what you think of me, I could never pity you, Valery. Brave souls so not deserve my pity.” The whispers could have been a figment of the imagination if they hadn’t been followed by another round of burning Vodka on the open wound. A string of broken breaths followed as Boris held Valery still, feeling his erratic heartbeat. Boris pulled the flask away, allowing the man before him to inhale through the burn.

* * *

 

“You said they can’t listen to us in here. So you don’t have to pretend I am brave.” Blurted out the injured man, panting heavily. “You’re here fighting a war, knowing full well the outcome this will have on yourself.” Boris continued and Valery couldn’t understand why the man was so keen on raising his spirits. “This is a war I am too small to fight.” Boris let out a deep exhale. Valery would never believe him. “A war, yes. A war you are too small to fight, yet you do it nonetheless. So that other men, young men, won’t have to. You do what must be done and that, Valery, is the bravest act of all.” There it was again, that tone. Filled with care and profound affection. That one word; Uttered in such a unique way.

* * *

 

“Brave… I am not brave.” Valery muttered, gazing at his gushing hand. “It’s alright to dream. It’s not strange that you dream of falling into an endless pit and you search for a hand to grab onto.” Boris continued, muttering the words as he put the flask down, focusing on the sheet which he had brought with him. Valery blinked as the man began tearing it to shreds. “I didn’t try to…” The scientist fell silent as the other man looked at him. “I saw how you reached out for that bottle. I heard you panting, I heard you whispering as you fell backwards on that chair.” Boris elaborated, tearing the sheet into even more shreds.

* * *

 

“And when I got close enough, you spoke my name.” Boris trailed off as he witnessed Valery’s eyes falling closed, shoulders hunched in resignation. If Boris hadn’t been pitying him before, he most definitely was now. Silence leaped between them, eating up everything in its path. The scientist wondered if it could perhaps consume radiation as well. “I never meant to call out to you. I’m sorry.” Boris shook his head stoically.

* * *

 

“You never meant to call out to me?” He requested, watching as Valery fumbled with his jacket, attempting to pull out a pack of cigarettes from his pocket. He did try to open in with one hand, but the attempt was not only futile, it was also infuriating. Boris huffed in annoyance, grabbing the pack from the man’s wobbly hand. He pulled out a cigarette bringing it to his lips. Long fingers reached in the inner pocket of his coat in search of a lighter and when he finally did light up the damn thing, Boris inhaled once, relishing the smoke as it coated his throat.  He then kneeled down once more, crouching ever so close to Valery. He exhaled a lungful of smoke which came between them like a veil.

* * *

 

With curt movements he passed the cigarette on to Valery, making sure it was well balanced between the man’s fingers. The scientist gazed at Boris incredulously, before bringing the slim cigarette to his lips, inhaling greedily. If the smoky tendrils held a fleeting taste of what could only be Boris’ lips, Valery made no comment on it. He exhaled a plume of smoke, momentarily wondering if the man who was there in front of him, eyes demanding an explanation, was nothing but a mirage crafted out of grey smoke.

* * *

 

They were so close now, that Valery could make out Boris’ face clearly despite the smoke which was hovering over it. Their breaths were blending into one, as they were both exhaling what Valery knew were traces of life in favor of contaminated, radioactive molecules. But little did that matter. They had been brought here together, and something inside the man stirred at the thought that they would also die together.

* * *

 

Boris held Valery’s gaze questionably. “You never meant to call out to me?” Boris parroted once more. “No.” Valery uttered, the light of the cigarette getting trapped within his glasses. “No, comrade. I never meant to call out to you.” He said, using every ounce of will power he had left. Boris searched his gaze a moment longer but then his face hardened and he focused solemnly at the task before him. “Put that damn cigarette away. Isn’t the smoke of a burning reactor enough for you?” Boris barked curtly, watching as the other man complied, placing the cigarette at the brim of the tub. Boris was now withdrawn and Valery shivered as the warmth of the man’s body seemed to be ebbing away. His face morphed and Boris didn’t miss the grimace, but he said nothing.  

* * *

 

A few moments passed in silence as both men were left gazing at the now reduced amount of blood which was running down Valery’s hand. Boris placed the flask with the Vodka on the brim of the bathtub, watching with the corner of his eye as a thin tendril of smoke from Valery’s dimly lit cigarette danced around it. He then focused on the sheet. He took a hold of one of the shreds and proceeded to wrap Valery’s flesh up with it. The fabric was rough, but the straps concealed the torn skin as Boris wrapped the man’s palm methodically, until Valery could barely move his fingers.

* * *

 

By the time Boris was done, Valery was left panting for breath, eyes filled with tears he was holding back with a herculean effort. The taller man pulled himself up, meaning to exit the bathroom when his eyes fell onto the red stain on the clean handmade bandage. With a frown, he took a hold of Valery’s wrist, but the scientist seemed oddly at ease with the sight. “It’s the radiation. The wound will not heal easily.” He uttered defeated, pressing his good hand on his face. “I will request doctors to come here and—” Boris never believed the awkward, clumsy man that was Valery Legasov could look at him with such a piercing gaze. Yet, at the sound of those words those gray eyes pinned Boris against the wall.

* * *

 

“You will not order more men or women to come here and throw their lives away. Not for me. I’ve already sent so many men to their deaths. So many...” Boris opened his mouth but he was interrupted once again. “So many... And then one more.” Weary eyes fell closed behind big glasses, as Valery’s body was left shaking from the pain. “I can’t condemn you too, Boris. I can’t.” The taller man stood still as Valery leaned with his back on the broken tiles, sitting on the lid of the bathroom bowl, wrapped in his misery, decaying slowly.  ‘I never meant to call out to you.’ The words came between them once more. “I am already doomed, Valery. I have five years to live, remember?” The scientist shut his eyes, hating the bold words he had used.

* * *

 

Boris once again kneeled by Valery, gravitating towards him helplessly, falling endlessly… “I have five years, Valery. So stop fretting that you could be my damnation. The only thing you could ever be, is everyone’s salvation.” Valery shook his head, breathing out in desperation. “My… salvation.” The words fell heavily on already hunched shoulders and Valery lowered his head. “It’s strange, isn’t it? How a person cannot save oneself, but is entitled with saving countless others.” Valery said in a strange, soft tone. Boris eyed him silently.

* * *

 

“I can’t save myself from the frailness of my body, neither from the clutches of my mind…” Valery looked at his bandaged hand, a wavering breath escaping his lips. “Then let me do it for you.” Was all the taller man replied, voice merely above a whisper. “All you need to do is…” Boris cut himself off, averting his gaze from Valery. “You know I can’t save all those men. I can’t save you either, Boris. I can only drag you down.” The words were laden with guilt and a desire which was lingering underneath. “You’re giving too much credit to yourself, Valery. I am not here to be dragged down so easily. I’m here to…” Valery gazed at the man as he seemed to weight his next words.

* * *

 

“I am here, Valery. I’m here to help you.” Boris eventually settled with voicing his presence, assuring the man.  “Whatever you need, I will get it for you.” His big hands enclosed Valery’s injured palm. “What I need… What I want… What I crave for… It’s forbidden.” Boris locked his gaze with the one of the other man as Valery spoke anew. “Forbidden by the State and by God. By everything Men worship.” Boris swallowed.

* * *

 

“You spoke of State and God. Yet you worship neither.” Valery glanced at the man. “I do not mean that you don’t believe in them. But you do not worship them, Valery.” Boris stated as the other man drew his eyebrows together. “You only worship science, don’t you?” Valery stilled, mouth agape. “What about science, Valery? Is your desire forbidden by the science you are so fiercely trying to serve?” Blurry eyes blinked at him and silence once more leaped between the two men, until finally the haze cleared from Valery’s mind as the echo of Boris’ words wrapped itself around his injured palm, around his fluttering heart.

* * *

 

“No… No. It is not.” The echo of those words took Valery by surprise. “No… Science only reveals the truth. That’s all it knows.” The man uttered bewildered and so Boris held his gaze, calling out for the truth. “Were you calling out to me?” Valery looked at him beseechingly, even though he didn’t know what he was silently begging him for. “Yes… Yes.” The word broke free of Valery’s lips, easing the burden the man was carrying, stealing all breath from his lungs. Burning tears trickled down his wrinkled cheeks as the other man leaned in, his mouth mere inches from those teardrops.

* * *

 

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be like this, I am—” Valery’s frantic whispers got lost in between Boris’ thin lips as the man kissed him with an unnatural fondness. He tasted of vodka and mint and Valery tried to remember if he had ever tasted something similar. “Breathe in, Valery. Breathe in.” Boris offered as he pulled away, and the other man eventually did as he was told, fighting against the urge to rest his forehead on Boris’ shoulder. The other man made the decision for him, as he leaned forward, lips finding Valery’s ear. The hot molecules of air collided with the sweat on Valery’s neck, causing him to shiver.

* * *

 

“I’ve got you, Valera…” The scientist stirred, burrowing into that broad chest, allowing himself to be held for the very first time in a very long while. Valery moved his hands upwards blindly, grabbing the lapels of Boris’ coat with his good hand. “If they find out about this… I will drag you to your death.” Strong hands cupped Valery’s face with a tenderness that Valery never thought Boris could muster. “They won’t find out.” The taller man offered coolly.

* * *

 

“They have ears and eyes everywhere, Boris!” Valery retorted deadly. “They may hear us but they do not really listen. They look but they do not really see us. Any of us.” Boris said in a low tone. Once again, Valery thought he meant to convince mostly himself. “This may be true. But it changes nothing. If they find you…” Boris waved his head. “They have already sent me to my death. But I am still alive, Valera. And so are you.” Boris’ hot breath brushed Valery’s lips, as though the man was trying to give him his own breaths, so that he wouldn’t have to inhale the radioactive smoke.

* * *

It was in that moment that Valery dared to kiss back, a touch of the lips, a kiss chaste and soft. Boris was right, they were already dead. Thrown into a place where flesh splits open, where atoms are driven apart from one another until all is reduced to dust. There, amidst Hell, Valery understood he had found a small part of Heaven. There, where every molecule was splitting into atoms and where atoms withered and died. There, two souls began gravitating toward one another, blooming under acid rain, springing to life as they drew near. There, amidst Hell, where all was damned to split into two, lips united once more, proving there was still a small part of Heaven left, for Men to linger…  

* * *

**_ The end... _ **

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for giving this a try!!!  
> I hope you enjoyed!  
> Comments and Kudos make my day!  
> Thank you for reading!  
> Until next time,  
> all my love,  
> Usagi!


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